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sexual orientation
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what is sexual orientation?
Like we mentioned on our identity page, our sexual orientation and romantic orientation are a part of our sexual identity.
Your sexual orientation refers to who, if anyone, you are sexually attracted to. Most of the time, people define their sexual orientation by which gender(s) they might want to engage in sexual activity with. ​
Your romantic orientation refers to who, if anyone, you are romantically attracted to. Most of the time, people define their romantic orientation by which gender(s) they might want to engage in a romantic relationship with.
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A lot of people think of sexual and romantic orientations as terms related to LGBTQ+ people, but actually everyone has a sexual and romantic orientation! People who are only sexually and/or romantically attracted to people with a gender different from their own are straight, or heterosexual and/or heteroromantic.
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Some people do not experience sexual or romantic attraction, while most people do. People who experience sexual and romantic attraction are allosexual and alloromantic. People who do not experience sexual attraction are on the asexual spectrum, and people who do not experience romantic attraction are on the aromantic spectrum. Researchers estimate that 1-2% of people are on the asexual spectrum.​​
the spectrum of orientations
Visualization of sexual orientation; sexually attracted to men, attracted to women, attracted to people with nonbinary genders, no sexual attraction to others​
Visualization of romantic orientation
Zoom-in visualization of asexuality spectrum​​​
queer identities
What does it mean to have a queer, or LGBTQ+, identity?
Simply put, if someone does not identify as cisgender, heterosexual, allosexual, and/or alloromantic, they (most likely) have a queer identity!
"Queer" used to be a word that was used to hurt or attack LGBTQ+ people. Since the 1980s, some LGBTQ+ people have started to reclaim the word queer, describing themselves and the LGBTQ+ community as a whole as "queer".
What do you think about reclaiming words that were once used as slurs against LGBTQ+ people?
Why do labels matter - or not matter?
The words or labels we use to describe our sexual and romantic orientations are often very personal. Labels are not scientific categorizations; they are words that we have come up with to better understand and describe our experiences to ourselves and others. Labels can also help us find community, by connecting us to others who identify the same way as us!
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Not everyone who uses the same label has the exact same experience of attraction. Conversely, two people who use different labels might have very similar experiences of attraction. The words that we choose to use to explain our identities are a personal choice; nobody else can decide them for you. If you connect to a certain word to describe your identity, you can use that word!​​
(some) queer identities
and their pride flags!
queer
a general term for someone who is not heterosexual; may be used for someone whose identity does not align perfectly with another label
lesbian
a woman or nonbinary person who is only attracted to women and/or nonbinary people
gay
a man who is only attracted to men; also used as an umbrella term for anyone not heterosexual
bisexual
someone who is attracted to two or more genders
someone attracted to people regardless of their genders
pansexual
omnisexual
someone attracted to people of all genders
someone who experiences little or no sexual attraction to others
asexual
someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction to others
aromantic
a broad, umbrella term used to describe women and nonbinary people who are attracted to other women and nonbinary people
sapphic
a broad, umbrella term used to describe men and nonbinary people who are attracted to other men and nonbinary people
achillean
Want to learn more about different sexual orientations?
Check out this helpful Healthline article to explore more terms.
Looking to learn more about certain queer identities, find LGBTQ+ focused support, or connect with others who share an identity with you?
Check out some of the other identity-specific resources below!
how do I know if I'm queer?
First things first - the only one who can tell you what your sexual and romantic orientations are is yourself.
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Still, many queer folks have had the experience of looking for answers about who they are online, and many of us have turned to the infamous "Am I Gay?" quizzes that litter the internet.
If you’re here, you may already be thinking that you could be queer, and maybe you already even know which words best describe your sexual orientation. Still, it can never hurt to think more deeply about how you experience sexual and romantic attraction. Try to answer the questions below, either on your own, in a journal, or with someone you trust, to guide your thinking about your sexual and romantic orientations.
What physical characteristics do you find attractive in other people?