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sex & sexuality
What are we talking about when we talk about “sexuality”?
There are lots of elements that go into it. Let's explore some of them.
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Sexual orientation - who, if anyone, are you sexually attracted to?
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Romantic orientation - who, if anyone, are you romantically attracted to?
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Sexual activity - any physical activity that involves sexual arousal and/or pleasure
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Desire - essentially, your sex drive; motivation to seek out sexual activity
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Sexual pleasure - the satisfaction and enjoyment, physical, emotional, or otherwise, that a person gets from engaging in sexual activity, solo sex, fantasy, etc.
attraction
Attraction isn't just a crush on someone that you want to get romantic or sexual with. So if you're attracted to someone, what could that mean?
There are actually several different types of attraction -
aesthetic, platonic, intellectual, physical, sexual, and romantic.
aesthetic
the admiration of a person's physical appearance without romantic or sexual feelings
platonic
desire to form a relationship with a person without sexual or romantic elements - a friendship!
emotional
interest in a person for their personality, intellect, skills, and inner self
physical
the desire to touch or be touched by someone, without necessarily being sexual
sexual
desire to engage in sexual activity with another person, or feeling aroused by another person
romantic
desiring a romantic, intimate relationship with a person that may or may not include sex and physicality
the attraction layer cake
The attraction layer cake seeks to help us understand sexuality better by looking at how we experience attraction through three axes - attraction types, relationship types, and orientation types.​​
Try it out for yourself below - you can share your results with partners or friends!
the circles of sexuality
As we've already learned, sexuality is influenced by so much more than just arousal and attraction. The five circles of sexuality, a framework developed by Dennis Dailey in 1981, can help us better explore all of the different layers of our sexuality.​​​
Ask yourself...
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Sensuality
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​What about my body makes me feel good - or not?​
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Intimacy
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​What makes me feel emotionally close to someone else?​
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Sexual identity
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What parts of my identity affect who I am sexually?​
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Sexual health and reproduction
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​How am I keeping my body safe and cared for?​
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Sexualization
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Has sexuality been used, either to or by me, as a form of influence or control?
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so then what even is sex?
and why do people have it?
put video here - interviewing multiple queer people asking them what is sex and why do you have it?
Why do people have sex?
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Reproductive - to make babies​​
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Relational - to affect the relationship(s) between the
people involved -
Recreational - to have fun and feel good
Which do you think is the most common reason people have sex?
...but what if I'm ace?
Asexual & aromantic folks can and do still have meaningful relationships of all kinds!
Aromantic people may still like to engage in sexual activity, but prefer to do so outside of a romantic relationship. They may also still have romantic relationships but experience romantic attraction differently, or only engage in romantic relationships in certain situations.
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Asexual people may still like to engage in romantic relationships but prefer not to engage in sexual activity. Asexual people may also still engage in sexual activity but experience sexual attraction differently, or only engage in sexual relationships in certain situations.
