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bodies
Our bodies, how they feel, and how we feel about them have a tremendous impact on how we navigate our lives. Our bodies can feel pain and pleasure; they can cause us to feel gender euphoria or gender dysphoria; they can enable us to take part in things we love, and at times they can hold us back from doing things we want to do.
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​When it comes to sex and sexuality, our bodies usually play a major role. It's not just about the physical sensations we feel, but also how we feel mentally and emotionally about our body and/or our partners' bodies. Let's explore some of the things that can stand in the way of us loving our bodies, and work out how to appreciate our vessels more.
you and your body
What is your relationship like with your body? The answer is probably complicated. But in order for you to learn more about the parts of your body, how it may change through puberty or gender-affirming care, and how you may or may not want to engage different parts of your body for sexual activity, it's pretty important to understand where you're at in your relationship to your own physical self. Try answering the following questions to guide your thinking about your body.
body image & self esteem
Your self esteem is your overall opinion of yourself, while your body image is how you view and feel about your body. Our perceptions of our selves have a major impact on how we feel, act, and relate with others. Your body image and self esteem can have a major impact on your sexuality, too; a positive body image is correlated with more confidence in sexual situations and greater sexual satisfaction and enjoyment, while a negative body image is connected to more anxiety and less sexual satisfaction¹.​​​
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body positivity & neutrality
Body positivity and body neutrality are two movements created as a response to the overwhelming problem of negative body images, especially fatphobia, and their associated mental health concerns. Body positivity encourages love and appreciation of our bodies, regardless of size, shape, skin color, ability, gender, etc. Body neutrality focuses instead on acceptance of our bodies, and emphasizes what our bodies can do instead of how they look.
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Is there anything about your body that you feel dissatisfied with? Which of those do you think you could learn to accept? Could you learn to love any of them? Try some of the tips below to help improve your body image and self esteem. ​
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Repeat some body-positive or​
body-neutral affirmations to yourself.
Body positive examples:
"I love my body"; "I am beautiful"
Body neutral examples:
"My body does so much for me";
"I accept my body"
Express yourself in ways that make you feel good about your body.
Curate your social media feed. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad, and follow positive creators!
Set goals for your body based on what you want to do or how you want to feel, rather than how you look.
Instead of focusing on your body,
pay attention to the other things about yourself that you love.
Share your experiences with others; don't try to cope with feelings alone.
disability & sexuality
Disability is a result of the interactions between someone with a health condition and external factors, like inaccessible public places or negative societal attitudes.
Many people think disability is just about the health condition that someone might have, but it's more than that. People who have certain differences or health conditions would not be "disabled" if they lived in a society that met their accessibility needs, or where their abilities were typical. For example, a nonverbal person would not be disabled if they lived in a community of people who did not use verbal speech to communicate. People with disabilities have the right to make choices about their sex lives, yet many people treat those with disabilities as thought they are incapable of making decisions about their own pleasure.
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Did you know that 1 in 4 American adults are disabled? ​Anyone can become disabled at any time, so advocating for more accessibility and awareness helps everyone.
Young people living with disability are less likely to receive sex education than other youth — but youth with disabilities deserve sex ed just like anyone else. There are many different categories of disability, all impacting sex and sexuality differently. Let's explore a few and then learn how adaptive sex can help anyone enjoy a healthy sex life that meets their needs, whatever those may be!
some types of disabilities
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sensory: blind, visually impaired, Deaf, hard-of-hearing
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mobility: conditions that make it difficult for someone to move parts of their body​
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psychological: mental or behavioral patterns that cause distress
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chronic health: ongoing medical conditions that impact life activities; often involves pain, fatigue, and ongoing medical treatment
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intellectual/developmental: conditions that impact a person's physical, intellectual, or emotional development; includes conditions like Down's Syndrome, autism, and ADHD
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learning: differences in the brain that affect how a person learns to read, write, speak, or do math
Image Source: Anushka Bhansali via Sexuality and Disability
adaptive sex
There are tons of ways that people with physical disabilities can enjoy sexual activity. Depending on someone's disability, they may need to consider what factors are limiting them from enjoying sexual activity to be able to address them. Some of these factors could include pain, energy, mental state, movement, and/or medication.
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To make experiencing pleasure more accessible, there are adaptive sexual aids for people with all kinds of different needs. These include:
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positioning: For people with disabilities that impact movement and strength, different sex positions that support their needs can allow them to experience improved pleasure, either on their own or with partners.
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​Check out these guides to sex positioning for people with disabilities:
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adaptive sex toys: Disabilities that impact movement and strength, especially of the hands, can make it hard for someone to use some sex toys. Adaptive sex toys can enable people with disabilities to minimize or remove the need to use certain limbs or muscles and enjoy more pleasure!
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supportive equipment: Especially for partnered sex, supportive equipment can help people with disabilities with positioning, comfort, and pleasure. Some types of supportive equipment for sex may include pillows, wedges, furniture, or device adaptations to improve on ease of use.​
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Check out this guide to adaptive sex toys & equipment:
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Looking for support with navigating the intersection of your sexual health, queer identities, and disabilities? Check out some of the other resources below!
